You Never Really Know

Yesterday, I got to thinking. Surely, we've all asked ourselves one of those age-old unanswered questions of life, like "What is my purpose?" or "Why am I here?". I look at certain circumstances in my life and I wonder why certain things happened the way that they did. For instance, after a couple of incidents where Joe and I almost got a little too carried away with each other (if you know what I mean) we had decided to go for it and when the opportunity finally came, he told me he didn't want to get extra cozy. He still cares about me. Actually, that's why he did it. I can think of a couple of different guys that wouldn't have turned me down but he did. When things started to heat up a little between us I prayed about it. I prayed about it, I expressed to the Lord that I knew it wasn't right because of the way things were, it just wasn't the time for that, and I was going to do it anyway. Up until now I've been strong and I've resisted temptation...not that I've really been tempted by any particular guy. I've been more tempted to do it than I have been more concerned with doing it with a certain someone. Right away, I knew why he turned me down but I didn't ask him to confirm it. Instead, I tried to pretend like it didn't happen and proceed to move on in life. I couldn't. Since I had "let it go" there was more opportunity for negativity and off the wall explanations to get in my head. Then I found myself getting angry every time I saw him but I never told him that I was angry. Finally, after I finally let him know what was going on my head, we were both upset because I went out of my way to upset him and now we're back on speaking terms. I haven't spoken to him in a week and I miss him. Yeah, I admit it...I miss him. But I see that situation as a case of divine intervention. I believe that the Lord has something bigger in store for us and if we proceed to give in to temptation, it'll ruin everything (well, maybe not ruin, but at least complicate). I think we both did a little bit of growing because of that and that's a good thing. Trying not to come across like some lovesick puppy, I can see us together in the future. We both just need to mature a little as individuals before we can mature together as a couple. There's a reason why we've been reunited as adults, we just don't know why yet. That's life, I think.