How's it Make You Feel

Let me first warn you that this post is a little lengthy today. Having said that, I've had a lot heavy on my heart lately. For whatever reason, I haven't been here to type it all out. I guess that's what the next couple of posts will be about. Today, we'll talk about feelings. Sometimes...they really suck. I mean, really. Joe and I have really been through some hoops and I haven't had any contact with him for about a month now (Though I will admit that I miss him terribly). First, it was because his phone was messed up. Then, just as he got a new phone, my phone was shut off because I didn't pay the bill. Now, everything is right with the phones but I doubt he has my number since it was in his old, useless phone. My issue today: A couple of weeks ago I realized something about one of my best friends that really shook me. I realized that there was something about here that I didn't like. I've known this for a while but I haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what that was until recently. What is it? She has it in her to be a home wrecker. I get this horrible vibe whenever she comes around Joe, and even though we are not established or unestablished as a couple (we're supposed to be friends) I feel the same way about her that I would feel about any other female that I consider to be a threat. She always asks why do guys think that she's easy and I've told her that if she didn't show her goodies all the time they might not think that. Even Joe told her that. Joe isn't typically the type that she goes for but I sense trouble. My senses can be wrong sometimes but this particular sense is soooo overwhelming. I hope I'm wrong. I really, really do. I'll have to explain a few scenarios to you later on this week. Surely, I have a legitimate reason for feeling the way that I do.

On to other things, I said that I miss Joe. I have a lot of pride. I won't call him. I won't text him. I'll see him when I see him. Why am I behaving this way? Because...he asked me why don't I ever call or text him. Firstly, I rarely call or text anyone...that's just the Tara way. However, I told him that I never call or text him because he never calls or text(s?) me. On the rare occasion that I do text him he doesn't text me back. Why waste my precious text messages on him? I do miss him something terrible, though. I kind of wish I didn't. I miss my friends, too...just not as much as I miss him. Darn. Will he text me? More than likely not. Why? Because he's just an idiot. How many times have I seen him and he's all chipper and I want to say to him "Screw YOU!!!"? He misses me so much that he asks my friends about me but he won't call. He won't text. Why should I always be the initiator? That's usually how it is, though. He misses me but he won't tell me that...or at least not without my asking. Oh, woe is me. Sometimes I really dislike him...sometimes I really, really dislike him...sometimes I really, really, really dislike him...sometimes I can't bear to look at him...but whenever he needs something and I know about it, I'm usually the first to try to get it for him. Love sucks.